a dai： how are you being
as a girl left you alone silently . i don‘t know whether i can use the nickname—a dai
now， lying in bed with lulu in my arm， i find the truth that you are always in my mind. it‘s you who waited for me two hours in cold freezing weather and it’s you who lying in my arm， smiling sweetly like a child. a gentle and fragile boy， desire was revealed your expression， which made me moved. there are some differences between you and other， at least i think.
during that night， my imagination came true， just that night i found i need you， i love you .
now ， i love you as before.
and lulu， 射 is your impression. your little girl just like her father. dear you， i‘ve been used to a single-parent mam. the baby would be taken good care of forever， you should look after yourself well.
爄 am so sorry to be away from you， i‘ve no idea buty the love deep in my heart because i can not even say a word when seeing you. you are a kind-heart boy for you sympathize with me. although you don’t love me， you touch me， you treasure me. that is enough . all is clear (you paid yourself for) after i saw your purity that night.
i hadn‘t suffered too much for long . no matter how you.
staying with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. i am d and happy. the truth we have to face is that living together for a time is happy ， but happiness will notst forever. you can‘t waste your life to make me happy. life is so cruel that it told me that you don’t belong to me all the time throughout my life. a daughter for you is the biggest satisfaction in my life. i think i should say “thank you”。
from now on ， i will not get in touch with you. please grasp firmly the things which your own， find a girl who love you and you loved. wish you a real happiness in the future. invoke blessing to you forever. my love， i love you.
it‘s no need for you trying to find me. or even if you find me， what will happen? i’ve already made up my mind. also， what do i tell lulu to call you， father or brother? if we meet by 插nce in another life， i would promise that i marry you.
fare well， my love.
fare well， a dai.
believe in future!
現在再讀這封信，沒有以前的那股心潮起伏，隻是思牽肚念，身邊沒有什麽了，空落落的。一種失落感仿佛在講訴我一個人活在不夜的城，孤零零地，有點“淒淒，慘慘，戚戚。”我責怪自己當初為何不把信好好地收藏，現在隻剩這英文的譯稿，想起皓子剛翻完時，曾拿著與原信給一位對英史頗有研究的老師看，得到的評價是：雖有不少錯誤，話也並不很地道，但是感情卻飽含。對此，我很感激皓子，我從不想把它譯成漢文，怕的是沒了那番滋味。
也許大姐大的勸說是對的，如果我不記敘下來，誰知道哪天便會真的忘記了。記憶就是這樣：我們把事件存儲於記憶，好像一張圖畫;長時間後再來找時，一些細微筆墨看不大清了，我們就會為它添上一筆。久而久之，腦子裏想的，嘴裏說的已不是原來的事了。
我總在看三本書。我的意思是說，即使我已經看過了而且還將要看不少的書，但我老是翻來覆去地看其中的三本。它們是海明威的《老人與海》、錢鍾書的《圍城》以及德國人施林克寫的《生死朗讀》。三本書都算不上很長，而且也不太深奧，所以我不會在看第一遍時就失去興趣而中途放棄閱讀。其實就算它們很長，我想我也會讀完的。前兩本書都是買了即開始看的，但第三本卻不是。它是我是在書市上發現的。與那裏翻印得版本很多的古典小說或哪兒都賣的所謂暢銷書不同，我看見它的時候，它就是靜靜地躺在那兒。那本書小而薄，很精緻。攜帶起來也很方便。我甚至沒看前言和後記就把它買下來，盡管那書幾乎沒被打折。回到家，我就迫不及待地翻看，甚至沒搭理我以三折價買下來的傾心已久的中華書局版《金瓶梅》。我隻看了兩分鍾，就把那本薄書扔到了一邊，就因為看了前言。想想我們(愛尋求過程的那些人)最討厭的就是看已經知道結局的故事。實在搞不懂在前言裏就交待故事梗概的做法是何居心，總之，我把它扔在書架下。
閱讀《生死朗讀》是在買它的半年以後了，我那會兒因窮極無聊才把它從“冷宮”請出來。我沒想到自己一口氣看完了全書。後來，我更是經常把那本裝在包裏，閑了就翻翻，隨手地翻看。每一次讀都有不大相同的感受。我也會把自己的故事和書裏的情節作比較。
我不像書中的男主人公，但白雲卻有史密芝。漢娜(書中的女主角)的影子。我並不是說她們性格相同或是從事著同樣的工作或別的什麽。她們一樣的是對男主人公的感情。但就是在一點上，她們的表達方式又是那麽的不同。也許她們還有一點是相似的，那就是書中的漢娜比白格(男主角)大了二十歲，而白雲也比我大，隻不過沒大那麽多，隻有六歲。可是朋友說過，五歲的差距就可以產生代溝的。
我不停地體會書中的故事，一會兒想想我就是白格，一會兒又覺得我們的性格完全不同。但每當我看到白格和漢娜在一起的時候，我總覺得有什麽東西在我肚子裏刮著，用力地刮著，仿佛是飢餓的感覺。每一次看到結局，我背上和兩臂的汗毛孔就會乍開，要一會兒才能復原。我也總是把我們的相識和分離和書中作著比較，我和白雲的分手與書裏的不同，至少沒那麽不幸。可是從不同的角度上看來，哪一對更不幸呢?
as a girl left you alone silently . i don‘t know whether i can use the nickname—a dai
now， lying in bed with lulu in my arm， i find the truth that you are always in my mind. it‘s you who waited for me two hours in cold freezing weather and it’s you who lying in my arm， smiling sweetly like a child. a gentle and fragile boy， desire was revealed your expression， which made me moved. there are some differences between you and other， at least i think.
during that night， my imagination came true， just that night i found i need you， i love you .
now ， i love you as before.
and lulu， 射 is your impression. your little girl just like her father. dear you， i‘ve been used to a single-parent mam. the baby would be taken good care of forever， you should look after yourself well.
爄 am so sorry to be away from you， i‘ve no idea buty the love deep in my heart because i can not even say a word when seeing you. you are a kind-heart boy for you sympathize with me. although you don’t love me， you touch me， you treasure me. that is enough . all is clear (you paid yourself for) after i saw your purity that night.
i hadn‘t suffered too much for long . no matter how you.
staying with you was the best thing that ever happened to me. i am d and happy. the truth we have to face is that living together for a time is happy ， but happiness will notst forever. you can‘t waste your life to make me happy. life is so cruel that it told me that you don’t belong to me all the time throughout my life. a daughter for you is the biggest satisfaction in my life. i think i should say “thank you”。
from now on ， i will not get in touch with you. please grasp firmly the things which your own， find a girl who love you and you loved. wish you a real happiness in the future. invoke blessing to you forever. my love， i love you.
it‘s no need for you trying to find me. or even if you find me， what will happen? i’ve already made up my mind. also， what do i tell lulu to call you， father or brother? if we meet by 插nce in another life， i would promise that i marry you.
fare well， my love.
fare well， a dai.
believe in future!
現在再讀這封信，沒有以前的那股心潮起伏，隻是思牽肚念，身邊沒有什麽了，空落落的。一種失落感仿佛在講訴我一個人活在不夜的城，孤零零地，有點“淒淒，慘慘，戚戚。”我責怪自己當初為何不把信好好地收藏，現在隻剩這英文的譯稿，想起皓子剛翻完時，曾拿著與原信給一位對英史頗有研究的老師看，得到的評價是：雖有不少錯誤，話也並不很地道，但是感情卻飽含。對此，我很感激皓子，我從不想把它譯成漢文，怕的是沒了那番滋味。
也許大姐大的勸說是對的，如果我不記敘下來，誰知道哪天便會真的忘記了。記憶就是這樣：我們把事件存儲於記憶，好像一張圖畫;長時間後再來找時，一些細微筆墨看不大清了，我們就會為它添上一筆。久而久之，腦子裏想的，嘴裏說的已不是原來的事了。
我總在看三本書。我的意思是說，即使我已經看過了而且還將要看不少的書，但我老是翻來覆去地看其中的三本。它們是海明威的《老人與海》、錢鍾書的《圍城》以及德國人施林克寫的《生死朗讀》。三本書都算不上很長，而且也不太深奧，所以我不會在看第一遍時就失去興趣而中途放棄閱讀。其實就算它們很長，我想我也會讀完的。前兩本書都是買了即開始看的，但第三本卻不是。它是我是在書市上發現的。與那裏翻印得版本很多的古典小說或哪兒都賣的所謂暢銷書不同，我看見它的時候，它就是靜靜地躺在那兒。那本書小而薄，很精緻。攜帶起來也很方便。我甚至沒看前言和後記就把它買下來，盡管那書幾乎沒被打折。回到家，我就迫不及待地翻看，甚至沒搭理我以三折價買下來的傾心已久的中華書局版《金瓶梅》。我隻看了兩分鍾，就把那本薄書扔到了一邊，就因為看了前言。想想我們(愛尋求過程的那些人)最討厭的就是看已經知道結局的故事。實在搞不懂在前言裏就交待故事梗概的做法是何居心，總之，我把它扔在書架下。
閱讀《生死朗讀》是在買它的半年以後了，我那會兒因窮極無聊才把它從“冷宮”請出來。我沒想到自己一口氣看完了全書。後來，我更是經常把那本裝在包裏，閑了就翻翻，隨手地翻看。每一次讀都有不大相同的感受。我也會把自己的故事和書裏的情節作比較。
我不像書中的男主人公，但白雲卻有史密芝。漢娜(書中的女主角)的影子。我並不是說她們性格相同或是從事著同樣的工作或別的什麽。她們一樣的是對男主人公的感情。但就是在一點上，她們的表達方式又是那麽的不同。也許她們還有一點是相似的，那就是書中的漢娜比白格(男主角)大了二十歲，而白雲也比我大，隻不過沒大那麽多，隻有六歲。可是朋友說過，五歲的差距就可以產生代溝的。
我不停地體會書中的故事，一會兒想想我就是白格，一會兒又覺得我們的性格完全不同。但每當我看到白格和漢娜在一起的時候，我總覺得有什麽東西在我肚子裏刮著，用力地刮著，仿佛是飢餓的感覺。每一次看到結局，我背上和兩臂的汗毛孔就會乍開，要一會兒才能復原。我也總是把我們的相識和分離和書中作著比較，我和白雲的分手與書裏的不同，至少沒那麽不幸。可是從不同的角度上看來，哪一對更不幸呢?